I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
