I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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