i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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