I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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