is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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