i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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