Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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