I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
