Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize