i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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