This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
