I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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