its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
