wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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