he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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