The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
