She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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