HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
