I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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