bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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