I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize