Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
