worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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