Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
