we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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