he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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