need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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