evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
