he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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