I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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