Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
