I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
