I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
