There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
