If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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