Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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