When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
