I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
whose parrot is this?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
