weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
