I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
