I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
