Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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