the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My vagina just recognized that song.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
