I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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