Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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