After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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