I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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