So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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