I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize