shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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