she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
