Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
