Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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