What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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