i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize