his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
