does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
