I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
