I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
