Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
