You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
