i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
