How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
