i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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