I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
