Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
