I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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