She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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