Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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