Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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