i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
