Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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