He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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