we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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