forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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