just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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