You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
