Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
