i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
