Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
