alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
