The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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