I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
