so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize