My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
