Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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