No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
