Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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