Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
