I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
