i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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