Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
