Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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(907): View more from Alaska

You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.

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(801): View more from Utah

Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?

(308): View more from Nebraska

Are you calling me a bad decision?

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