She is in my trunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
