my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
