If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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