Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
