Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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