we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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