my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
