I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
