I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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