i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
