my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
