I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
