Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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