Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
