How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
